Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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