I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize