If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
