im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
