May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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