can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
