you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
