Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
