Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
