I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
