Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
