we have pet lesbian snakes
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
