We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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