He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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