HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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