i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
