I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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