Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
