We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
