Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
