im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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