Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i came on her dog
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
