So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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