The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
