Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
