Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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