This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
