PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
