he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize