Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
