Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
