The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
