She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
