explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize