i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
