i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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