i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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