Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
