i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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