This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
