You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
