Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize