Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
