she woke up with a sticky ear
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
