I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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