He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
