Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize