And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
