fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
