Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
too bad you live with your parents still
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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