You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
please come you make the beer taste better
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
