you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
