well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
