Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
