Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
