So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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