Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize