I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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