Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
