Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
