The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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