Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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