woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
