I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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