the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
