Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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