It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I bet he comes in French.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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