So drunk its hurt
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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