Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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