Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
