I love black thongs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
