I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize