my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
