i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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