he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
