She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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