And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
