What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
