she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I deserve this hangover.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
