Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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