we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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