I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
