I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
