he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize