Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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