I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well I just put wine in my tea
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize