some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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