my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My bed smells like the plague
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
