i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
