Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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