Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
