she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
