my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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