If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
