I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
