I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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