True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
