I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize